He Said...

"I would have respected you more, if you got paid for the pussy”

He said.

“No wonder you never had a boyfriend before me”

He said.

“You’re crazy”

He said.

“Nobody else wanted you”

He said.

“I’m gonna fuck other hoes and you're still gonna be with me”

He said.

I’d rather have a peace of mind,

then be at war.

Yet, here I am fighting.

Screaming. Crying.

Mind running around on manic episodes...

Breaking.

Still wanting more.

Times keep getting harder, and

I feel like giving up.

I try to be enough for him…

Mind on a depressive episode.

Dull.

Sitting here in white linen.

Lungs black.

I sit,

waiting for a call back.

I love him,

But I think he hates me.

That’s what really makes me crazy.

Life is getting too deep for me,

Too many emotions

Too many problems

Too complicated.

He has me going crazy...

I really might catch another case.

I swear if he hurts me again,

I’m gonna go insane.

Lose my shit.

Feeling like nothing...

I look into my mind,

nothing.

He looks at me,

And says I'm disgusting.

Skin and bones.

Red scratches along my body.

Fingers itching to smoke.

Medication bottle on my bedside table,

nothing can help me.

I can’t be psych evaluated-

because

no pill, and no therapist

is gonna fix what's gone on in my life, or

what's in my head…

The way I hurt…

The way he hurts me he can never see…

I’m tired

of screaming, and

shouting.

I’m tired of trying to make him love me.

I told the psych today-

“I feel like nobody can understand me”

Tears escaped my eyes, and a gasp came from within.

I am not sure I knew I was going to say that…

But damn, truer words have never been said.

The world and me, we don’t speak the same language.

He and I,

we don't speak the same language.

He hurts me, then

I hurt him.

And it's a cycle and its making my thoughts

more and more dim.